A Letter To My Younger Self

March 21, 2017

Have you ever wished you could go back and tell your younger self all the things you know now? For my 24th birthday, I decided to write a letter to my younger self – my ten years younger, 14-year old self to be exact. Here’s what I wrote…

Girl on a bench - a letter to my younger self - by Becka Hout - Live It Lovely

March 21, 2017 – My 24th Birthday.

Dear 14-year-old Becka,

Right now you’re in 8th grade, still new to the teen years. I wish I could reach back into the past and actually talk to you, and tell you to stop worrying so much. In so many ways, life is the easiest that it will ever be right now. And yet everything scares you, everything makes you sad, everything feels like it’s the end of the world.

First of all, you’re not going to marry Nick Jonas. You might as well just drop that idea now instead of carrying the obsession into high school. Second of all – caring so much about what other people think of you is NOT WORTH IT. It’ll take you the next ten years to slowly learn this lesson, but I promise you’ll get there eventually.

Girl sitting next to bougainvillea - by Becka Hout - Live It Lovely

Right now you’re obsessed with your weight, you get angry at yourself every time you eat a snack, and you try to exercise but give up because it “feels like torture.” Good news though – that struggle won’t last forever. In fact, in a few short years you’ll be over it. And someday, believe it or not, you’ll actually enjoy eating healthy and working out. For fun!

I wish I could shake you and tell you to stop crying when you look at yourself in the mirror and hate what you see. You’re beautifully and wonderfully made. I wish I could make you actually believe it.

I know you’re lonely, and spend way more time writing in your journal than what’s probably healthy. But one day you’ll realize that having lots of friends or fitting in with everyone else is not going to fill you the way you really desire. Many people will come and go over the years, but a lot of them will be fake friends. Someday you’ll understand that those few people who love you for who you are, who stick with you even through your seasons of foolish mistakes and struggles, are all you truly need.

Girl standing in front of pink bougainvillea - by Becka Hout - Live It Lovely

Your relationship with God is just beginning to develop. Don’t let go of it! Chase Him with all that you are. Keep coming to Him with every thought, every dream, every silly little thing that breaks your heart. With each coming year you’ll face new and bigger challenges, and He alone will carry you through.

You have yet to face your toughest battle – anxiety – but it’ll come unexpectedly in two short years. It will try to knock you down and make you doubt everything you believe. Prepare yourself now by filling your heart with God’s Word, and you will make it, and only get stronger. The battle will continue, but you’ll become a warrior and fight it and win every time.

At one point you’ll try to fill your loneliness and desire for acceptance with relationships with boys. If only I could tell you to avoid this altogether. But I can’t say you won’t learn some immensely important lessons, and gain wisdom through your own mistakes and heartache. It won’t be all bad, but you should know that you’ll be playing with fire, and you WILL get burned. But you’re stubborn and you have to learn the hard way. Even so, God won’t abandon you. He’ll heal even your deepest scars.

By the time you turn 24, you’ll pause one day and realize that you’ve somehow become content. Despite your constant left turns and long detours, God will make your path straight. For years you’ll fight and struggle, even as an adult, to try and do this yourself. You’ll work and work and try to produce your own righteousness, but you’ll get nowhere.

Girl smiling in front of pink bougainvillea - a letter to my younger self - by Becka Hout - Live It Lovely

I wish I could make you choose to let go and surrender sooner. But at some unclear and subtle point in your life, you’ll find yourself sitting back and watching God work, while you do nothing. This is because you’ll finally understand that you can’t do anything at all. And suddenly you’ll be able to do anything you put your mind to, because you have a supernatural Power on your side.

Hang on my girl. Life will seem dark and heavy for so long. But one day you’ll wake up in the sunshine, and the future will be shining bright. Enjoy every moment and stop taking life so seriously! You are so blessed and so loved. And you are free!